Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine, who is newly pregnant and we were simply discussing how things were going to change in her life. It got me thinking of the time that I went through this same phase. A lot of my friends, like me, were working till the last few weeks of their pregnancy, and took some break (of varying durations) for their newborn.

That, this is a very challenging, overwhelming yet very rewarding time in a woman’s life, is an understatement. And if you’ve been working, then the change holds a different set of issues as well. You have been used to your work/ home routine etc. and then you leave your job (the life that you know) and go into something that has the potential to shake your core. To give a very crude analogy – its like when you go on a strict diet. Even though you know you are doing the right thing, you like the results and are happy with it, there are certainly times when you miss pigging out on chocolate or junk food . So I’ll be calling these feelings withdrawal symptoms of maternity leave.

You are used to a routine and disciplined way of life. You don’t need to worry about what you are going to do with your time. Work takes up most of it . So once you’re on a break, your routine is thrown out of gear. There are no work days & weekends.

This in a lot of us causes a sense of loss of control. You have to take the effort of setting up a time structure around you yourself. This situation can be partially managed by planning out things that you would do during the break e.g. doing your pre-natal yoga, relaxation exercises, walks, catch up on your reading, hobbies, getting ready for the baby’s arrival etc.

This one was the most difficult for me. I missed being part of the corporate buzz in office. I was part of a ‘work hard-play hard-get results’ sort of an environment. It brings fulfilment to each day by knowing you are applying your skills, getting results and contributing to something tangible. Also, the feedback that you get from your peers gives you gratification. Early motherhood needs a lot of patience and persistence amongst other things. And there are times when you simply have to let go and know that not everything is going to be in your control. In these overwhelming moments there are times when you miss the moments of your work-life. I also missed the conversations of my work environment. Simply put talking about something other than feed times, diaper, sleep times (baby talk) etc.

In some people confidence & self esteem do take a beating.  This depends on a lot of things like – how ready you are for the baby, how long is your break, your personalities etc. You are changing mentally and physically. Your mind is overwhelmed, your body doesn’t seem to be your own (let’s face it!!) and it may not be easy. In fact you are doing one of the most intense jobs in your life. And if this is not enough there are societal (and sometimes self) expectations that you are supposed to ‘naturally get it and do it’. In some families (I’ve seen it happen a lot in western cultures too) the focus is only on the baby and not so much on the mother. And this may cause loneliness and self-worth issues for the new mum.

I don’t think there is a ‘one solution fits all’ type thing for the above issues. It depends a lot on your personalities, attitudes & circumstances. Your emotions are all over the place.

But one thing is for sure – it helps to be aware of it, and make others around you aware of such side-effects of the big changes happening in your life. I think what does help is to be prepared, be positive and most important be open-minded. Do not stress yourself out of the joys of this time.

And if your baby does wake up for a 4 am feed for the umpteenth time and you find yourself missing your regular life, know that there are millions of mothers across the world at the same time feeding their babies with you .

Wishing you happy parenthood,
aparna