For a lot of participants, I find that a lot of the times, a workshop is like seeing a very good movie. You enjoy the movie a great deal. You get all pumped up with the thoughts and feelings in your system. But slowly the effect drains off, and it fails to create much tangible benefit. Like when you saw a ‘Lagaan’ or a ‘Swades’ (bollywood movies). You feel all patriotic for some days, the first few days you’re just full of it, but later hardly any of it stays with you or fits into your life. Ofcourse the quality of the program matters a lot. But what also matters is how you deal with the information given to you, and the awareness created in you.

So here are my 5 tips on making most of such training sessions:

Introduce yourself to the speaker: It’s a great opportunity to stand out and create a relationship with the speaker. Let them know what you’re looking for and maybe they can help you. If the speaker is high profile, the association can only help.

Give testimonials: If you’ve enjoyed the program, give testimonials. It will not go un-noticed. Appreciate the positives in the program. Its the right thing to do, and again adds to your visibility.

DIY: Think of 3 things that you can take-away to implement in your life at the end of the workshop. Write them down as action sentences. E.g. Instead of ‘I’ll have a positive attitude towards work’, write ‘I take 5 min every morning to contemplate my work day and set my attitude’. Put this up on your mirror/ pin-up board for a couple of months. See if makes a difference. Most probably it will .

Networking: Go with an intention of building some high quality networks. Get to know the people around you, and see if you can find a fit that could work as a JV, client, or mentor etc.

Be there: Be involved during the workshop – speak up, volunteer, contribute. Even if you’re shy of face-to-face networking, this can be a workaround for you to create an impression. Its a great way to get people to notice you and create your place in the room. But be careful not to hijack the topics/ discussions.

Maybe see you arpund in one of my workshops ,

Aparna

That, this is a very challenging, overwhelming yet very rewarding time in a woman’s life, is an understatement. And if you’ve been working, then the change holds a different set of issues as well. You have been used to your work/ home routine etc. and then you leave your job (the life that you know) and go into something that has the potential to shake your core. To give a very crude analogy – its like when you go on a strict diet. Even though you know you are doing the right thing, you like the results and are happy with it, there are certainly times when you miss pigging out on chocolate or junk food . So I’ll be calling these feelings withdrawal symptoms of maternity leave.

You are used to a routine and disciplined way of life. You don’t need to worry about what you are going to do with your time. Work takes up most of it . So once you’re on a break, your routine is thrown out of gear. There are no work days & weekends.

This one was the most difficult for me. I missed being part of the corporate buzz in office. I was part of a ‘work hard-play hard-get results’ sort of an environment. It brings fulfilment to each day by knowing you are applying your skills, getting results and contributing to something tangible. Also, the feedback that you get from your peers gives you gratification. Early motherhood needs a lot of patience and persistence amongst other things. And there are times when you simply have to let go and know that not everything is going to be in your control. In these overwhelming moments there are times when you miss the moments of your work-life. I also missed the conversations of my work environment. Simply put talking about something other than feed times, diaper, sleep times (baby talk) etc.

In some people confidence & self esteem do take a beating.  This depends on a lot of things like – how ready you are for the baby, how long is your break, your personalities etc. You are changing mentally and physically. Your mind is overwhelmed, your body doesn’t seem to be your own (let’s face it!!) and it may not be easy. In fact you are doing one of the most intense jobs in your life. And if this is not enough there are societal (and sometimes self) expectations that you are supposed to ‘naturally get it and do it’. In some families (I’ve seen it happen a lot in western cultures too) the focus is only on the baby and not so much on the mother. And this may cause loneliness and self-worth issues for the new mum.

I don’t think there is a ‘one solution fits all’ type thing for the above issues. It depends a lot on your personalities, attitudes & circumstances. Your emotions are all over the place.

And if your baby does wake up for a 4 am feed for the umpteenth time and you find yourself missing your regular life, know that there are millions of mothers across the world at the same time feeding their babies with you .

Wishing you happy parenthood,
aparna

Made me think – how often I have seen people don this authoritarian role in their day-to-day lives. Parents do this a lot with their children (since they know what’s best for their children?!). They will keep nagging the child for every little thing which I think hampers his growth to being a more independent and confident adult. Children (even little ones) should be allowed to explore and do their own thing (as long as it is safe).

Some people like to be ‘the fixers’, the ‘go to person’ which is a good thing. But then one has to be very careful of the thin line, which if we cross, we start solving problems which don’t need solving. In the process we burden our already hectic lives. What we need is to step back and ask does this really need fixing? What is going to happen if I don’t? Think about the big picture. Chances are it is not that big a thing. Better if we learn to let go. It’ll add some sanity to our lives and of those around us.

What did this story make you think of? Do share.

aparna

Tell us about your family?

I am married. I have a son, aged 1 year 7 months. We are a family of four, which includes my son Tej, my husband Harshad and my father-in-law.

What do your activities involve? (Work + family + other/ social)

I am the co-founder of IndicThreads, a Technology-media firm. We run an online technology magazine, IndicThreads.com and we host IndicThreads conferences on various technologies like Java, Cloud Computing, etc. We recently announced short-term certificate courses pertaining to technology+business as  IndicThreads Education. I am also working on building a more mainstream business idea, but it’s too early to talk about it.

As for social activities – I have been involved with a couple of NGOs active in the eco-conservation space. I have also recently taken up another initiative where I am visiting a municipal school near my place to teach English and Maths to underprivileged children.

Journey so far – How did you come about doing what you do?

Regarding work – well, I got placed on campus at Cognizant Technology Solutions while doing my Masters in Computer Management. I worked there for five years during which time I worked with various technologies. I moved from the developer role to leading teams and projects. I then felt the need to break out and to reflect on what I wished to do. I took up teaching post-grads at Symbiosis and designed a Java course for distance learning. I enjoyed these new challenges as I had never done any teaching or writing before. I then joined forces with my husband who was already an entrepreneur and we launched the 1st IndicThreads Conference on Java Technology in 2006. Since then, we have continued working towards making IndicThreads a top technology-media brand.

You have done your graduation in Chemistry? What was your motivation to change information technology?

I loved Chemistry and enjoyed almost all the different Chem branches. So I definitely did consider doing the MSc ( Environmental sciences) course as per my original plan. However, computer science at the time seemed to provide great career opportunities. So I tried my hand at programming and found myself enjoying it. Motivation came from the fact that there were few industries that had taken off in the way that the IT industry had – If you got placed in the biggies of the IT world, it was assumed you had made it in life!

How many hours do you give to your work per week?

As of now, while Tej is still a baby, I manage to put in about 30-35 hours per week. I mostly work when Tej is at the daycare from 1PM to 6PM everyday and I occasionally manage to get some work done in the mornings as well.

Did you take any time off with your children/ marriage?

Yes. I took time off when my son was born. I returned to work when he was seven months old.

What is the most challenging thing about being a working mum i.e. running a business & being a home-maker?

Being focussed is a big challenge. I am the only woman at my house, so there are always many activities that require my attention – guests, day to day household activities, etc. Not getting too caught up and being disciplined about work is always challenging.  As a rule, I try to not interfere in the routines.

Do you get any me-time? How often and what do you do?

I take my fitness very seriously and so exercise is something that I always try and accommodate into my schedule.  I go for jogs every morning and I also practise yoga.

Please complete the following:

I am great at…… Being Positive – I prefer to focus on the goodness in people and the beauty in life. I don’t dwell on disappointments and sadness. I like to move on.

I would like to improve upon….. time management.

What are the things if any that you have to let go?

If I am to lead a life where I can do things other than be a mum, I have to trust the other care-takers (husband, father-in-law, maid, daycare) of my child and let them be the best they can be. So unless I feel something is completely unacceptable (dangerous or encouraging bad habits), I try not to interfere.

Is work-home balance something that you have achieved to your satisfaction?

I think so. I am happy most days with what I manage.

Do you ever suffer mother’s guilt? How do you deal with it?

I believe the trick to not feeling guilty is to think of the motive for any action. When I decided to keep my child in a day-care for half day, I engaged in a lot of self-talk – Why do I want to do this? Is work so important? No one can care for your child like you can, so should I keep him in a day care?.. I and my husband both went through the grind of such questions.

I believe that a child and subsequently a house cannot be happy unless the mother/wife/woman is happy. So who fed him, changed his nappies and rocked him to sleep, was not as important as him having a happy & confident mom. If the caretakers are kind and clean, that is good enough. It was more important for my son to have a mother who was happy and loving and not raving and ranting and exhausted. Caring for a child is a very emotionally and physically demanding job. You can enjoy it more when you can get some breaks now and then. That is how it is for me. I have understood this and I am fine. Choose what you are fine with, not what you think you should be fine with.

Have there been times when you’ve considered giving up your work to be full time mum? What makes you go on? Where do you find the motivation & inspiration?

When Tej is ill, I do hate to have work commitments as I am quite unable to think of anything else. Those are the times that I wish I could just stay put and look after him without any work stress at the back of my mind. Other than that, I am quite happy to be working and wouldn’t want it any other way. Also, as any working mum would agree, family support is critical. My father-in-law is a chilled-out and liberal person. So luckily for me, not only does he think I should mould my own identity, he even takes care of many household activities that a woman is usually “supposed” to do. My husband, though equally liberal, brings a different angle to it. According to him, household chores should be nobody’s business!

What’s the best part about your work?

Having the freedom to fix my own deadlines such that I am rarely forced to sit late in office. Having the freedom to explore new ideas and implement new processes.

What do you think are the downsides (if any?) of being a woman in an entrepreneurial environment & what are the advantages?

I do not think I faced issues different than those any working mum would face, whether she is in a job or an entrepreneur. There aren’t any advantages either except that it is easier to stand out as there are so few  women trying to be entrepreneurs.

Was it a difficult transition from doing a job, to being an entrepreneur? How did you manage?

There is a huge difference between living the life of a professional in well paying job and that of an entrepreneur. What motivates you to do what you do? In a job, one hardly thinks beyond the project on hand and the deadlines to be met. The motivation factors usually are – bonuses, appraisal ratings, onsite assignments, etc… In a job, if one becomes demotivated, one still can go on as there is the fat pay packet at the end of the month anyway, which is so important to sustain your lifestyle.

In an entrepreneurial scenario, there are no bonuses or pay packets waiting. The only thing that can motivate you is your passion about some idea. Even then, it is very difficult to remain motivated because often, an exciting idea is not good enough. You have to live and fail with ideas before the idea works as a good business. So in the face of failed ideas and no money-guarantees, you have to keep yourself motivated. You have to keep going and keep working. The biggest mind change required I feel is to let go of the image – in a job, your designation, your company, your lifestyle all become a part of what defines you. Once you are out on your own, you are stripped of all that, it’s just you and your faith in yourself and your guts to do what you believe you should be doing.

What’s the best part about being mother?

A mother goes through so much and so many emotions that it is difficult to pinpoint. But I must say I am constantly amazed and overwhelmed by how magical children are.  I love to simply revel in my son’s innocence, his mischievousness, his joy at discovering new things, his happiness at achieving new milestones and his unquestioning trust in me. I feel very blessed and grateful.

Do you like to cook? What is your signature dish?

Very much, but not everyday and definitely not the everyday daal-roti-rice! . Hmm.. not sure , but probably the Hot Milk Sponge Cake, the way my mum makes it.

To-Do lists: We all make & use to-do lists (mostly), don’t we? What I have found effective in this regard is to make a to-do list on the night-before. In the mornings I like to simply get on to doing things.  So before you go to sleep, take 10 minutes to review your day, tasks, etc. and then make a list for the next day. If there are bigger tasks on this then break them into action tasks. There will be some master to-dos and some sub-action tasks. I use a white-board on the fridge for this. I organise my master & sub-lists on the whiteboard. And do remember to tick them off once done. It gives me a kick to do that , even if it is a simple task of making a phone call to someone. Even though there are gadgets & phones you can use to do these, I find this simple system works better for me.

Use an events planner: This is better than a diary – It has 12 pages, 1 page per month. All days for that month have box entries on the page. Each day box has enough space to write down events to go to & follow-ups to do. This is very handy to manage your social life. So if you get a social invite, simply write down the relevant details here, and you don’t have to keep the invitation or follow the dates.

Anniversary & Birthday chart: This is something which is important to me, so I have put a system around it. I am not very good at remembering birthdays & anniversaries. So what I do is maintain a birthday & anniversary chart. Birthdays in blue & anniversaries in Red entered on the appropriate day entry. Glance every day in the morning, and make that call. Sure to bring a smile to someone’s day.

Have kid’s school & activities weekly planner (whiteboard works best). It should be like a weekly time-table (days & dates). Fill it over the weekend – drop-offs/ pick-ups for their activities, any tests, projects, etc. can be tracked using this. This can also be a good tool to teach Time Management to kids.

Wardrobe decisions: If you’re like me, and suffer from the ‘I don’t have anything to wear’ syndrome (don’t google it, I just made that up), then this tip is for you. Plan your weekly wardrobe in advance and keep them on your shelf in the right sequence. I know, it sounds trivial, but it will save you a lot of focus in that morning busy period.

Menu planning: I do my own breakfasts & dinners, and like variety. So menu-planning helps me buy the right stuff, and saves me playing the ‘what’s in the pantry/ fridge recipe?’ game.

Have regular days for things like – changing the sheet, grocery shopping, gardening etc. Consider using home-delivery services for groceries, veggies, fruits etc. If you’re lucky enough to have good house-help, please train & delegate.

Holy Time for Yourself – This is the time of the day, when you do your most creative work, or work that requires the most focus. What you can get done in this time in 1 hour will take 2 hours otherwise. So you need to guard this time. For some of you this may be early morning or late nights. For others like me, it is just the time of day when my little one is at school, and I can lock the room and not be disturbed. During this time, switch off all your distractions (mobiles, facebook, instructions to the maids ) and finish off your most important to-dos.

Family rituals: These are simple things that you do on a regular basis with your family. They have a certain comfort factor, and bring warmth to your heart, even if the day is less than perfect.Set aside some time in the morning (even 5-10 minutes) to be with your partner/ kids. You can read together/ pray together/ exercise together or simply have breakfast together. This will give you a very positive start to your day. Same goes for when you meet the child later in the day (i.e. after school/ daycare). Spend time just sitting with each other and talking about your day even if for a few minutes.

Put kids early to bed: This is one of the most important habits I think you can inculcate in your kids. , And it also gives you some time to relax and unwind, prepare for the next day, spend time with your partner, and do your own thing.

Exercise & Eat well (don’t we all know too much about this): I, myself, am not very good about this. So will have to leave it here, and ask you to share some motivation tips for this .

As you can see, these tips are quite varied and not really just work-life balance type tips. I’m sure you all have lots to say on this topic. I’d like to know what wonderful ideas you have in order to maintain a steady & happy home. Do share.

Here’s to lovely days & peaceful nights,

Aparna

By networking, I don’t mean, socialising with your friends or people you know, but more meeting new people and making meaningful contacts. Anecdotal evidence shows us that women are not very comfortable with networking per se. The word networking makes a lot of women nervous. Some of the perceived problems with networking are:

• Lack of time. In all the important things that we do, networking gets pushed back as a nice but not necessary thing to do. Add to this, if we do not really enjoy it then we are all the more inclined to push it way behind in our schedules & priorities.
• Networking is not needed if you have a good service/ product offering. This could not be further from the truth. We think it is cool to create, but to sell is demeaning. Networking is a very effective & comparatively cheaper way to let people know about your services. Also you can choose your target audience to socialise with. We can have an excellent service but that is just the beginning. We need to let people know about it, so that they may choose to use it.
• A lot of us are not natural networkers. Even if we do turn up to events, we struggle with how to effectively make connections. Talking about your strengths or asking for a referral or approaching a stranger may be out of our comfort zone. Hence, it is important to learn a few tips and follow them consciously to grow into networking.
• The perception that networking always involves a lot of effort, going to events etc. We do have to do that from time-to-time but thankfully with the help of technology there are things that you can do to cultivate your networks e.g. facebook, twitter, blogs etc.

Even now, work-wise & opportunity-wise things would have been a lot easier for me, had I a more established network. Some things I have learned the hard way and some have come naturally to me. Here are my thoughts on how you can be networking ready and also enjoy the process:

Have an elevator pitch ready i.e. you should be able to explain to someone in very brief (couple of minutes) – what it is that you do (& can offer) with clarity. Be specific, choose your words carefully, and practise this. My domain of specialisation is not that common, and what I do encompasses various things, so earlier I would really struggle to explain it to someone. But then I realised that by sounding vague, I was sounding weak, (as if I didn’t really know myself). So it is imperative to remember the 3 Cs here: Clear, Concise & Catchy.

Let people know your success stories i.e. what you do well, and how you can help. It is not about bragging but simple stating the benefits of what have to offer and also your relevant achievements. Try and include specific facts & figures to make it more credible.

The hidden ‘What is in it for me?’ question:  When I started out, I was very excited about my novel idea, so I assumed that people would also see the light and help me with opportunities. That I now put down to a beginner’s lack of wisdomJ. Most people are keen to know what they can gain out of this. It could be reciprocated opportunity or a service or some sort of acknowledgement etc. You need to be able to articulate that clearly, or else you risk losing the potential opportunity.

When you do turn up to an event, be present and be alive in the real sense. There are so many times you go to events and meet people who crib, send out negative vibes, or are only interested in sharing their sob story. No one is really interested in knowing your life saga. People gravitate towards what makes them feel nice – positivity. A simple way of doing this is to give yourself a 20 sec pep talk to yourself in the toilet mirror at the venue and remind yourself of why you are there. (Don’t laugh – it works!!) People may not remember what you did but they never forget the way you made them feel.

Keep an ear open for referrals. Let people know what type of referrals you’d prefer. Make it easy for other people to sell you by giving out specific and clear information. And if their referral works out, be sure to thank them. If not don’t hold it against themJ.

And please don’t just stick to the people you know. It’s not a party. Step out and introduce yourself if you have to. Treat this as an opportunity to know more people and get out of your comfort zone. Don’t just hang out with like-minded people. Try and make conversation with people with a different perspective, background or experiences than you. You will be able to gain and contribute to such an interaction much more.

Be a good listener. Be genuinely interested in who people are, what they do, and what they have to say. Do not be there just to push your agenda. If you can, help out someone. People like to deal with nice people. It takes time for a network to form and for you to gain from it. Remember the law of reciprocity in business – what goes around comes around.

This one is especially important for the ladies out there. Try and attend a networking event (seminars/ meet-ups/ trainings etc.) regularly from time-to-time. Its good fun personally also to meet up with people and get to know new things. As much as e-communication is effective, it is still great to actually meet people face to face. It can also be a good break for you – go with an open mind. I try and attend an open forum/ a training seminar or a club do regularly. I make sure all my to-dos i.e. my child-care/ home-making/ work etc. are ticked-off and then head out to smile and shineJ.

Use technology like twitter, facebook & blogging to increase your network. But remember it is very easy to get lost in this (because of the easy access), without any fruitful output. So use these discreetly in order to add value.

Lastly, like someone wisely said ‘It is the journey; not just the destination’. So remember to enjoy it while you’re at it.

Let’s connect,

Aparna